Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so that you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate them. Don’t let resentment build. Affairs are, unfortunately, one of the biggest reasons for separation and divorce these days.

Growth is one vital element of marriage that many people take for granted. A constant sense of growth needs to be present in any marriage. If it’s not, one partner may feel like they are moving forward and their spouse is not, which often creates a wall between them. Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship if you feel you’ve gotten off track.

Communication is a key in any successful relationship. If you are having problems, turn towards your partner, not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.

Certain things in your marriage should be guarded like a hawk. There are things that should be held in high value in a marriage, and kept sacred.

The way you spend your time should be guarded in respect toward your marriage and family. Where are you spending your time? Ask your partner if they need more time with you. Time with your partner should be set aside and kept in high regards. Respect the time you spend with your partner. What occupies your mind? Is your spouse often present in your mind? Evaluate what is on your mind, and put your marriage in there if it’s not already. Is your energy invested in your marriage, your family, or in less important events in life? Evaluate your energy, and make sure that there is a reasonable balance between activity, work, marriage, and family.

Seeing signs of a cheating spouse often mean secrets. Secrets are work! Secrets are a drain. If the secret persists, its impact is felt in subtle but insidious ways. People become depressed. People start doing crazy things. Children start acting out, stop achieving, become listless or exhibit a host of other symptoms. Children, or the next generation, often carry the emotional load. You want to feel the freeing power of the exposed secret and the opportunity it offers for healing, resolution, a rich relationship and a productive life. There are a number of reasons why the drive to spy is powerful. Here are five:

1. Soap opera scenarios and adrenaline based lives are a hallmark of our society. We get juiced or pumped up entering into emotional relational triangles that offer intrigue. Without adrenaline, life seems boring or mundane. Perhaps an unspoken reason for an affair may be to fan the fire? Or, you may spy on your cheating spouse to keep the sense of being alive a part of your life.

2. Spying on cheating husbands or cheating wives often helps the person feel connected to the partner who seems to be steadily moving away. Isn’t it like the game of hide-and-seek we used to play as children? At least it is a game, and a game is at least some contact, some involvement. You miss the connection and try to find someway to maintain the ties.

3. You may want to protect yourself medically if you suspect you have a cheating husband or wife. You might be concerned about sexually transmitted diseases. Shame, guilt or self-absorption may be so powerful in your partner that it gets in the way of responsibly informing you of the medical dangers when another partner is sexually brought into your relationship.

4. Spying on a cheating spouse may be an honest attempt to bring resolution to the relationship. You want to know the truth, face the truth, deal with the truth and be free.

5. Trust is a big reason, not of your partner, but yourself. Perhaps you confronted your cheating husband or cheating wife and it was met with denial. This created a huge dilemma for you because a part of you was screaming, Hey, this doesn’t fit! To deny this part of you, which KNOWS the truth, creates a tremendous internal turmoil. Spying is a way to confirm your suspicions and trust more fully your gut feelings.

Cheating husbands or cheating wives often, unfortunately, lead to the demise of marital relationships. If you strongly suspect this to be true for your situation you will want to protect yourself legally. If there is betrayal, lying and deception regarding a third party, other forms of deception may exist financially or in other areas of the relationship. Having “evidence” does have some impact in some court systems. Whether you need to protect yourself legally depends on the kind of affair facing you and the character of your spouse.